Hier

Everyone was nervous, silently uttering prayers of hope, walking around in circles and ignoring the sweat in their faces. Then finally, a loud cry broke the silence and brought everyone in heavy exhale, losing the frown and worries from everyone's faces and was replaced by relief. And then, I was born. From a simple family, with a simple life, raised in a simple environment. My father had to work far away from home in order for us to survive. I was left alone with my mother, learning what a girl should learn. From proper manners to behave accordingly whenever I'm in public. However, my childhood was not that animated.

I was disciplined, spanked and punished whenever I do something wrong, even though sometimes I don't understand why. My mother was strict, and a little impatient. She want things to be done accordingly and fast. On the contrary, I was born lazy, I follow orders and instructions but I do it "later". Mother always scold me when I was still a kid for being lazy-for being too lazy to study, too lazy to get up and do chores, brush my teeth and do personal hygiene. Exaggerating? nope. I 'was' that kind of girl in the past.
That's why, all the 'kasaba' moments with mother is one of my most unforgettable moments which made me who I am today. Those hurtful words she said back then, was my inspiration and motivation to strive hard and do my best. This is for you ma, I miss you. I love you.

Thoughts With My Pillow

Why do I feel like you've changed? The way you talk to me, the way you say "hello", the way you say "good bye". Why do i feel like you didn't care anymore? You didn't text me, you only chat when i chat first, the tone of your voice seems cold when you're talking to me. Why do i feel like you've grown tired of me? I couldn't feel or see your efforts anymore, I couldn't feel that you missed me.

Why do i feel like this? Why are you letting me feel like this? Is it just me? Or you're really doing this on purpose? I'm too afraid to ask. Maybe you'll get mad me, or maybe you'll hate me for thinking such selfish thoughts. I know this is definitely not easy for the both of us, but what's the purpose of HAVING EACH OTHER? Didn't we promise to be there for each other in times of troubles, pain, problems and struggles? 😔 where are you now?! Sleeping? Being cozy at your bed while here I am struggling with my problems and pain of missing you? Gaaaah! I hate feeling like this. I ha---

And then the girl woke up from her sleep and started a good day while her dreams and thoughts forgotten in her bed and pillow.. ~~

Green Lights

Its been 3 months since I moved here,

And I almost shed a tear 😢

Its like everything was fast forward, 

And y shoulders were mostly downwards😔

Cars from the left, cars from the right, 🚕

They were running with all their might

It's like they're in a hurry, 🚖

I couldn't almost see them, it was blurry.

I couldn't breath, I couldn't sleep, 😴

The anxiety, I couldn't keep 😵

My body was covered in stress, 😷

And all i wanted to have is rest

3 months it has been

And the lights were still green 🚦

Please let the lights be red, 🚫

Maybe yellow? or else, I'll be dead. 😭

Aux Deus

a start of a new world,

all thing at first was blurred

a start of a new adventure story,

and another collection for my inventory

the creatures were friendly,

it's like, we knew each other already

we shared jokes and laughs,

and we shared ideas and drafts

everything was quite well,

it's like we're under a spell

we are not allowed to be sad,

because everyone are happy and glad!

but one day, dark skies appeared,

it is just what i feared

the creature was poisoned,

Inside its own prison.

It blamed me, hated me,

Cursed and abandoned me.

It said I'm not good,

And now we're in a feud.

It has two faces,

Like a shoe with two different laces.

Like a color of black and white,

Kinda like good and evil right?

It said, it is good.

Your actions don't prove it dude!

Stop pretending to be nice,

I know you're smart, but not wise!

Once, i was your closest friend,

But we separated in the end

You pushed me away,

And you'll gonna regret it on day!